Father please receive my soul
take this life back and make me whole
Death is the only solace i have
Please don’t deny me an end
this time its too much to bear
i can almost feel my heart exploding again
the same old feeling of death
please kill me i don’t have the strength
18th May 2025
Zurich, Switzerland
I have been a mercenary all my life. I have always worked as a hired assassin, taking out targets for classified clients. That was my job for about 9 years. 42 successful missions is something to brag about but when you live by the sword, you also die by the sword.
We were a team of four, when we worked as a unit we were unstoppable. I was their leader, along with Ashley, Mac and Aiden. We took out our victims with precision and left no trace. With 42 successful missions, the demand for our services was ever increasing. But on our trip to Botswana everything changed, first we lost Mac. Big Mac as we used to call him because he was the tallest among us, about 6’6. When he was killed we decided that we would carry on as a 3 piece unit. But little did we know that the next mission would be our last. On the next mission I lost my entire team, only I survived, like a punchline to some bad joke!
It’s been 3 years since Ashley, Mac and Aiden had been killed. After they died, I decided to vanish and went into solitary confinement in a mental asylum. Since that day I have never lived a normal life. I keep having nightmares and hallucinations of dead people. The gory images of the decapitated bodies of the ones who were part of my team made me sick to the stomach.
We were on the second mission in Botswana where we had to rescue a few children who were kidnapped by a bunch of rebels. The intel we received was incorrect and we could not completely judge the situation. We had taken out a few rebels but there were more than we expected. In a few minutes we were ambushed. One of them grabbed Aiden from the back and severed his head. Ashley who was my best friend ran into trap. She tried to rescue a child but didn’t realize that he was strapped with a bomb. The bomb exploded decapitating her body. When I reached them I saw Ashley’s internals strewn all over the ground and she was screaming in pain.
I wanted to rescue her but I knew she was beyond saving. I froze not knowing what to do. She kept screaming at me asking me to shoot her because the pain was unbearable. I took out my 9mm and with tears in my eyes fired two shots into her. I managed to escape and since then I have severed all contacts with the outside world. For the last 3 years, I keep hearing Ashley’s screams in my ears. The last fortnight I have been having constant nightmares. It just too much to bear! I can’t take it anymore! The pills I take are not doing me any good. I need a release! That’s why I am doing this….I have slashed my wrists and I am losing blood.
By the time someone reads this I would be dead. I can already see the angel of death in my room stretching his hand towards me. I need to go! Please excuse all the blood and tears!!
-Gunner
Amid all the tears and sorrows
i cry out to you for help
as i am falling to pieces
hold me together again
I cannot feel myself
My veins have gone cold again
i am gasping for breath
i am choking to death
i see visions of hell
nightmares of blood and the dead
i hear them call for help
and ask for justice for the dead
I am the corpse that has been rotting
I am the decayed feelings of a decayed heart
I am the last breath of a collapsed lung
I am the last vision of a fading sun
I am the coldness that comes from death
I am the choking life that’s supposed to end
I am the leaking drops of blood
I am the words of a prayer for dead
I am the torn pieces of flesh
I am the dismembered hands and legs
I am the putrid stink of death
I am the last of the living dead
She is a jewel, a prized possession above all
But left to the mercy of the wild hogs
Who devoured her and everything
And left her bleeding on the ground
Kicked her as they passed around
Spat at her and mocked her
As she cried in pain all night long
From her wounds poured crimson tears
Her screams echoed in my ears
As i walked down the empty road
I picked her up and carried her home
I dressed her wounds and gave her food
Wiped her tears and helped her through
As she walked down the same streets today
A proud woman now that she is
They look at her in awe and disbelief
and grind their teeth at what they see
as i stand content she looks at me and smiles
and thanks me for her a wonderful life
My Reproach, my hate
will be fulfilled
When i see you suffocate
As i rip you off your pride
And tie you to the tree of life
Carve your bare back with my knife
as it carves your flesh into a blood eagle.
Pay you back for all the misery
Peel off your skin, hack your ribs from your spine
And spread them out as you resemble the blood eagle
Pull your lungs out from beneath your wounds
Plead for your life-blood eagle.
As you shiver in pain and agony
You will confess all your atrocities
But nothing can save you now
I have sacrificed you as a blood eagle
Generations will bow at my feet
Remember me for my brutalities
And how i murdered your pathetic life
They will forever remember the blood eagle.
i know as i stand here
that everything has passed away
helpless and broken as they say
i will leave with nothing left to say
Followed through, fought every day
only to be killed at the end
and fade into the darkened pathways
I have seen them all pass away
often wondered why death was so uncertain
Cried through days and nights
wishing i could see my father once again
and i as sit here lonely and forsaken
i have met the end once again
not to be remembered but forgotten
my spirit echoes tidings of sorrows and pain
that will ring through the times that change.
When tears become my food
when failure becomes my life
i stand at the end of my life
i know this is suicide
Please don’t try to stop me now
you could say there is more to life
but i don’t need to see it all
because i have decided to end it all
set me free from this pain
take this life i have nothing to gain
Put me to sleep forever
and take my soul away.
Look beyond these seas and you will see
The land flowing with milk and honey
But even when you make it
Remember that i too fought for it
You will not need me beyond this
I have lived to see the dream fulfilled
As you take what is rightfully yours
I will stand content beyond these clouds
Destiny has brought me to this
I waged war and won victories
But now it’s time for me to leave
So send me away with a song of peace.
Cinderella beauty with no brains
She came from hell and she is vein
While she spreads lies around her
She knows that I will judge her
As she deceives the masters
And eats their rotting corpses
She knows that the day will come
When i will devour her to death
At the end of the world i stand
I bring death and destruction to this land
I will take your soul back in time
And murder your pathetic life.
BloodandBlasphemy 